I’ve done it now. Thrown all lines of security over board, begun to raise my sails. Given in to a deep felt need for adventure. For living.
We were sailing on the Baltic sea, headed toward Stockholm after a mini-cruise to Helsinki last Monday. The sun was slowly descending on the horizon; everything was still.
Yet, I was struggling. Struggling with the fact that it felt like I was walking right into a trap, that I was being led to the slaughter house. However much I tried, I couldn’t escape the feeling that returning to my studies at university to finish my bachelor’s degree was perhaps what my mind and all the norms of society was dictating – but it was not what my body was telling me was right.
Caught between a rock and a hard place, what do you do?
Well, I looked my fear in the eye. After days upon days of listening to thoughts telling me that not returning would be “a failure”. But, I questioned, a failure for whom? Obviously, not for me. Otherwise my body would not react so strongly to this. And in this reaction it also became evident how long and how much I had really struggled with making this decision. I had run from it long enough. Several years to be exact.
Enough was enough.
But now what?
I don’t know. Yet. But it feels right. True.